Newborn survival in the first 40 days: 5 Tips Every Mom Should Know
The first 40 days after birth aren’t really about “recovery.” They’re about survival, learning your baby’s language, and figuring out who you are when you haven’t slept in 36 hours straight. Nobody tells you that the hardest part isn’t labour. It’s this: the fourth trimester, when your newborn still thinks it’s in the womb and you’re learning to keep another human alive on broken sleep and mostly adrenaline.
If you’re reading this in those early days, let me say this first: you’re doing better than you think. The fact that your baby is fed, your baby is warm, and your baby is safe means you’re winning, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
Here are five things that actually help during the first 40 days, tested by real moms who’ve lived it.
Tip 1: Master “Contact Naps” and Stop Feeling Guilty About Them
During the first 40 days, your newborn doesn’t have a sense of day or night. They still think they’re inside you. The only place that feels safe is pressed against your chest, feeling your heartbeat and warmth. This is called a “contact nap,” and it’s not a bad habit you’re building. It’s survival.
For weeks 1 to 6, commit to contact naps without guilt. Your job isn’t to “teach” your baby to sleep independently yet. Your job is to keep your baby (and yourself) alive. Feed baby when they’re hungry, let them sleep on your chest when they need to, and stop worrying about “creating a rod for your own back.” The developmental psychology is clear: newborns (up to 12 weeks) need constant physical proximity to regulate their nervous system. They haven’t learned they’re separate from you yet.
Real talk: you will get no dishes done. No meals cooked properly. That’s okay. This phase passes faster than it feels like it will. By week 8 or 9, your baby will naturally start to spend more time away from your chest. But for now, stock your side table with water, snacks, your phone, and a good show. Settle in.
Tip 2: Feed on Demand, Not on Schedule (Especially the First 2 Weeks)
Every parenting book will tell you when to feed your baby. Ignore the schedule. Feed them when they’re hungry.
In the first 40 days, your milk supply is establishing itself. Your baby’s stomach is tiny (about the size of a marble on day 1, a walnut by day 5). Feeding on demand does two things: it tells your body to make more milk, and it ensures your baby is actually getting what they need. If you’re bottle feeding, the same rule applies. Let baby tell you when they’re hungry.
Some signs your newborn is hungry: rooting (turning their head, mouth searching), hand to mouth, and that very specific cry you’ll soon learn to recognize. Actual hunger usually doesn’t sound panicked. If your baby is feeding 8 to 12 times a day in those first weeks, that’s normal and healthy.
By week 3 or 4, you might notice your baby starting to space feeds out a bit more naturally. Let that happen. But don’t force it.
One practical thing: in Brunei’s heat and humidity, newborns can seem to feed more often because they’re also taking tiny sips for comfort and hydration. Keep a water bottle near you while you feed. Stay hydrated.
Tip 3: Let Someone Else Handle Everything Else (Seriously)
This is the time to abandon all other expectations.
The dishes can wait. The laundry will pile up. Your hair doesn’t need to be washed. Takeaway food is nutritious food in this phase. You do not need to cook. If someone offers to come help, say yes immediately. If no one offers, ask.
What your body needs in the first 40 days is: sleep (fragmented though it is), good food (delivered to you), water (constant sipping), and nothing else. Not productivity. Not cleanliness. Not looking “put together” for anyone.
If you have a partner, now is the time to outsource. Assign one person to do the laundry, another to handle cooking or ordering food, another to tidy just the bedroom and bathroom. You feed the baby. You sleep when the baby sleeps (actually do this). You attend to your own body’s healing.
This is where Bruneian family structures can be a real gift if you have family close by. If you don’t, consider hiring help, even for a few hours a week. A cleaning service, a laundry service, a grocery delivery. It’s not luxury. It’s medicine for your mental health during this vulnerable phase.
Tip 4: Watch for Postpartum Bleeding and Physical Warning Signs
Nobody talks about physical recovery enough, which is wild because your body just did an enormous thing.
For the first 40 days, you will bleed. This is called lochia, and it’s your body shedding the lining of your uterus. For the first few days (especially after a vaginal birth), it can be very heavy. Like, “soak through a pad every hour” heavy. This is normal. But here’s what isn’t normal and means you should call your midwife or doctor immediately:
If you’re soaking through more than one pad per hour for more than a couple of hours, or if you’re passing clots larger than a golf ball, those are signs of excessive bleeding. Pain that makes you wince (beyond the normal soreness) also warrants a call. So does fever, chills, or feeling suddenly very unwell. These can signal infection, and infection in the first 40 days postpartum is serious.
In Brunei, your midwife or GP should be your first call. JPMC offers postpartum follow-up care, and they’re thorough about checking for these signs at your visits.
Other things to watch: severe headaches (especially if you had a spinal block during labour), vision changes, trouble breathing, or thoughts of harming yourself or your baby. These are signs of postpartum depression or preeclampsia, and they need professional attention immediately.
The fourth trimester is not the time to be tough about physical symptoms. If something feels wrong, it probably is. Get it checked.
Tip 5: Protect Your Sleep and Your Mind Like Your Life Depends on It
Sleep deprivation is why the fourth trimester breaks people. It’s not the baby’s fault. It’s not a weakness. It’s biology. A newborn wakes every 2 to 3 hours to feed. You cannot function on no sleep. So here’s the deal: someone else needs to take the baby for at least one 4-hour stretch so you can sleep, ideally in the first or second week.
This is not lazy. This is not you “not being capable.” This is survival. One unbroken 4-hour sleep chunk can reset your nervous system enough to handle the next week of fragments.
If you have a partner: ask them to bottle feed (express breast milk or formula) once a night so you can sleep while someone else is on duty. Trade off nights. If you’re alone, this is when you reach out. To a friend, a family member, a postpartum doula, or a community member. Someone comes and holds the baby while you sleep.
Beyond sleep: this is also when you watch for postpartum mood stuff. The “baby blues” (sadness, crying, overwhelm) are common in the first two weeks and usually settle. But postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety can start anytime in the first year, and they often start quietly in these early weeks. If you feel hopeless, constantly anxious, disconnected from your baby, or like you’re failing, those are not character flaws. Those are symptoms, and they’re treatable.
Talk to someone. Your midwife, your doctor, your partner, a trusted friend. Don’t wait until it feels “bad enough.” It’s bad enough now.
FAQ: Real Questions About the First 40 Days
Q: Is it normal for my newborn to sleep all day and night?
A: In the first week, yes. Newborns are exhausted from birth and will sleep often. By day 3 to 5, they usually become more wakeful as they adjust to life outside the womb and as hunger kicks in. If your newborn is sleepy beyond the first week and isn’t feeding well, mention it to your midwife.
Q: How do I know if my baby is getting enough milk?
A: In the first few days, baby should have wet nappies and stools. By day 5, baby should have 6 to 8 wet nappies per day and be having regular stools. If baby is gaining weight at your midwife visits and seems content after feeds, that’s a good sign. If you’re unsure, ask for help. Lactation consultants are invaluable in these early weeks.
Q: Can I leave my baby to cry while I shower or go to the bathroom?
A: Yes. Your baby will survive 10 minutes of crying while you pee or shower. You need to take care of yourself too. Baby won’t break from crying. You might lose your mind if you don’t get a few minutes alone. Both things can be true.
Q: When do I stop counting days and start counting weeks?
A: Whenever it starts to feel less scary. There’s no rule. Some moms flip the calendar at day 30. Some stay in “day 8” mindset for weeks. It shifts when you feel more confident, and that’s different for everyone.
Internal Links to Explore
- [“Postpartum Recovery: What Your Body Needs in the First 8 Weeks”] (Motherhood category)
- [“The Truth About Postpartum Depression: Signs, Symptoms, and When to Seek Help”] (Wellness category)
- [“Breastfeeding in the Early Weeks: A Troubleshooting Guide for New Moms”] (Motherhood category)
External Sources
- WHO Newborn Care Guidelines (for feeding frequency and early warning signs)
- La Leche League International: Newborn Feeding Basics (for breastfeeding troubleshooting)
- PGIMI / JPMC Postpartum Care Protocols (local resource)
Closing
Those first 40 days are chaotic and hard and sometimes beautiful and mostly just survival. You don’t need to optimize them. You don’t need to do it “right.” You need to do it your way, with as much sleep and support and grace as you can gather around you. And you don’t have to do it alone. Reach out. Ask for help. Join a community of other moms who are also figuring this out, also bleeding through pads, also crying over spilled breast milk, also wondering if they’re doing this wrong.
You’re not doing it wrong. You’re doing exactly what your baby needs, which is you, present and alive and doing your best.
What helped you survive the first 40 days? Share in the comments. Your story might be exactly what someone needs to read tomorrow.